This is the shirt that Morgan wore to school yesterday for blue day...and it is the title of my post. I can honestly say that the past five weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life. I never dreamed that the transition to kindergarten would be so hard on our family.
For years, Morgan has been looking forward to going to school. She's gone to MOPS, church classes, preschool, etc. and has never really had a problem going to her class or dealt with much separation anxiety. Let me tell you, we were not prepared for her response to going to school. We had tears almost every morning before school. There were many factors that caused these tears, but overall, it was separation anxiety mixed with a feeling of being out of control of her environment and not understanding exactly what was expected of her which resulted in a fear of failure. I don't know where this came from since we've never expected perfection from Morgan - it is just something that she has put on herself. We spent many days praying and crying, asking God to help Morgan adjust and learn to love school.
This also took an unexpected toll on me personally. It was so hard to see our daughter so unhappy to the point of tears and stomach aches and I felt so helpless and unable to fix it. This threw me into a downward spiral that I'm assuming is what everyone calls depression. I've never dealt with feelings like I had for such a long period of time. (I know to some, 5 weeks doesn't seem too long, but to me, it was) I was not a fun person to be around. My relationships with my family suffered as well as normal everyday things. It was not a pretty picture. However - in the middle of all this, God did blow me away with some unexpected blessings.
I say this all to get to this point - we had tried everything. We had no idea what else to do. We had turned a corner from feeling sorry for Morgan and empathizing with her to frustration that we weren't seeing any progress. We had been sharing with our small group and they had been praying with us through this and weekly we would pray together. The kids are usually in another room while we are meeting and during our prayer time this week, Morgan came out and sat on my lap. She was listening to our prayers and asked, "Mom, are they praying for me?" I told her that yes we were and I laid my hand on her and so did a few others and we just prayed that God would take away all the fear and anxiety and that He would replace it with joy and love for school. When we got home, Morgan asked me (like she does every night) if she had school in the morning. I told her, "Yes!" She responded with excitement, admitting that she couldn't wait! Well, I'd heard that before, so I responded that I was happy that she was excited for school and then I tucked her in for the night.
Monday morning, she came into our room at 6:15am...ugh! (My alarm is set for 6:35 and this mamma LOVES her sleep!) She said, "Mom, is it time to get ready for school!? I'm so excited!" (Usually, she's asking for a few more minutes to sleep) I pulled her in with me and had her rest for 20 minutes, but she just couldn't stop talking. "Ooo, it's computer day today?! I LOVE computer class!" All morning she was in such a positive mood. The difference was more than noticeable. I found myself thanking God that we even had one morning with no tears. Craig dropped her off at school and I received this text - "Nothing but smiles a high five and a blown kiss down the hallway!!!" This was a definite change from her running the opposite direction of the school, Craig chasing her, and carrying her kicking and screaming to her classroom while teachers were encouraging him as he walked down the hall with an, "I'm praying for you!" (Which was a blessing in itself in a public school!!)
We have definitely turned a corner. Each day since Sunday, Morgan has had a good morning which results in a good day. She even ate school lunch yesterday which was a HUGE thing for her!!
I know we're still on a journey and God is teaching our family many things in this new season of life. But, I know that there were so many of you praying for us and I wanted you all to hear this awesome story of how God worked in our little girl's heart!! One of my friends responded that she wasn't surprised because Morgan has always been so sensitive to the Spirit. I couldn't agree more. God changed our little girl's heart in His time, and we were blessed to see it happen.